Paul Tough's book, "How Children Succeed," has me pondering how we encourage resilience in children. I'm sure I will have many more posts on this subject, but I thought I would share an article from The Washington Post by Carolyn Butler that I had filed away this past summer on sleepovers, summer camp, and resilience.
"One of the things that troubles me about this generation is that we want our children endlessly challenged academically, but we don’t seem to want their resilience challenged in other ways. You can’t know you’re resilient until your resilience is challenged. And resilience or grit is key because it’s what gets you through the hard times in life."
For the past month or so, I have been visiting the 3rd, 4th, and 5th grade classrooms talking about Bullying. One concept that I've explored with the children has been the role of a bystander. Who is a bystander? How can a bystander make a difference? When have you been a bystander and what happened? What is the responsibility of a bystander?
Last week, I read "Wings" by Christopher Myers to the 5th graders. I absolutely love Myers' collages and I thought that the class would also appreciate the dramatic tale of Ikarus Jackson. They did. We discussed the artwork, Ikarus and his wings, and the powerful impact of a bystander.
We talked about superpowers and how sometimes what makes us special, powerful even, can make us feel different. The other kids (and adults) in the story took Ikarus' difference and used it as a tool for bullying. But one bystander, with her courage and truth, celebrated Ikarus' wings.
What are your wings? What is your superpower? Has someone ever helped you when you had a tough time celebrating your differences?
Have you felt it lately? Maybe it crept in with the cooler weather, the high pressure
slipping under a cold front. It
arrives without fail each autumn for me:
an ever-increasing tempo of obligations, expectations, and
not-to-be-missed opportunities that snowball into Thanksgiving and then crash
into the winter holidays.
My first line of defense is to just breathe. Breathe
in. Breathe out. Repeat.
Breathe. Relax the face. The shoulders. Breathe. Let the world spin without me for one
minute. Maybe two. Breathe. Ground my feet. Straighten my spine. Find a lightness.
Breathe in peace.
Breathe out stress. Breathe
in expansion. Breathe out
confinement. Breathe in
acceptance. Breathe out judgment.
I wake early in the morning to have my quiet moment of the
day. To sit with a cup of tea in
the chilly darkness of the morning and connect with that which will always be,
no matter what the day brings. My
breath. This earth. The stillness.
I will carry this core of peace inside me throughout the
commotion of the day. Returning to
it whenever I need it. Returning
to calmness. To stillness.
I find that this stops the snowballing stress and I can find
greater perspective, patience, and tolerance.
If you are interested in how mindfulness, meditation, and
inward focus can benefit you or your children, please look into a wonderful
upcoming opportunity:
On Saturday, November 10th,
Joe Klein from Inward Bound Mindfulness Education is coming to Ekoji (3411
Grove Avenue) to hold a day retreat.
From 9am-4pm, there will be a retreat for adults. From 6pm-10pm, there will be a teen
event.
Ekoji offers a Family Mindfulness Meditation from 1pm-2pm
this Sunday, October 14th with a Teen Mindfulness Meditation
following from 2:30pm-3:30pm. This
is offered monthly. What a great
way to establish a family practice of meditation!
If right now you are saying to yourself, “That’s fine for others,
but not for me. I have no time and
no quiet in my life,” I offer you this video on One Moment Meditation. Try it out …
I am not a fan of frequent screen time for kids (or adults), but I love having a family movie night now and then with my kids. It is sometimes a struggle to find a movie that everyone can enjoy, but the documentary, Being Elmo, was a hit for all of us. As an added bonus, Being Elmo solidly supports our three middle school themes: Identity, Community, and Advocacy.
This is the story of Elmo creator, Kevin Clash, and his journey from
being a kid in a Baltimore neighborhood who likes to play with dolls to
becoming one of the most popular puppeteers in the world. Clash maintains his focus and sense of
self despite clearly standing out as a child and teen (a strong
portrayal of identity); his family, neighbors, and colleagues support his
journey as a young, struggling puppeteer (community support); and even after
“making it” in the entertainment business, Clash finds the time to support the
Make a Wish Foundation and also mentor young puppeteers, never forgetting how
he was supported as a young man (a cycle of advocacy).
There are so many "guidance themes" in this movie: perseverance, focus, attention to detail, and the importance of parental support to just name a few. After viewing this movie, try talking to your child about what helped Clash succeed and what might have stood in his way. This is also a great opportunity for a discussion on non-mainstream careers and following your passion.
Being Elmo is a
much-deserved tribute to Kevin Clash but it is also pays homage to the power of
creativity and love. Here is a review of Being Elmo from The Washington Post.
Last night, I attended the Richmond Symphony performance of Mahler’s
Symphony No. 1 in D Major. What a
tremendous emotional journey! I
will spare you my pedestrian music review (suffice it to say that I was
transported and loved every note), but I would like to share some of my
thoughts following the performance.
When this piece premiered, it received overwhelmingly
negative criticism and boos from the audience. Now, it is one of the most frequently performed symphonies
around the world. In his day, Mahler
was seen as a great conductor but a failed composer – and yet in our day, he is
celebrated as one of our finest composers.
How did Gustav Mahler continue to compose despite negative
criticism and discouragement?
Where does one find the will to create in an unsupportive environment?
Obviously, creativity and expression require risk and
vulnerability. History is littered
with great innovators who were underappreciated, discouraged, or ridiculed by
those around them. Some survived to be recognized for their achievements. Others died with no acclaim.
How do we, as educators, encourage students to take these necessary
risks, to be open to mistakes and criticism, to learn and grow? How do we develop a student’s inner
strength and confidence – the ability to see past initial failure or to see
beyond perceived failure?
A dear friend once gave me some advice as I was preparing
for a recital. I was telling him
about my terrible performance anxiety and how I fall apart in front of an
audience – hitting the wrong notes, messing up the tempo, etc. He told me, “Whenever I hit a wrong note,
I do it with confidence. I go with
it – maybe even hitting it wrong again on purpose.”
Now I certainly don’t have his sense of panache, but he
helped me see that my fear of failure was more powerful than the actual
mistake. The truth of the moment
was not in the wrong note but in my response to the wrong note. Could I celebrate the mistake and get
past it?
Fear can stop us from moving forward, from learning a skill, mastering a concept, or sharing a talent. What if nobody likes it? What if I mess up? What if I get the answer wrong? What if someone laughs at me?
Mahler was definitely affected by the negative criticism
surrounding him (he completely reworked his first symphony only to have the
next version meet the same disappointing reaction), but he chose to honor his
inner voice rather than the tastes of his audience. Mahler’s biographer Henry-Louis de La Grange writes
that “the emotions [Mahler] needed to express were so overpowering that he was
not much concerned with his future listeners’ reactions.” I am thankful that Mahler persevered.
I do
not want my students to let their fears block their growth. I want to encourage determination and inner strength by providing a learning community that is a
safe space to risk innovation. To
embrace mistakes with confidence. To
develop an inner voice that can guide through obstacle and opposition.
In life, there will be wrong answers. There will be mistakes. There will be times when our hard work and personal expressions are met with boos and negativity. We cannot let this stop us from sharing our voice and our gifts.
Thank you, Gustav Mahler, for your tenacity and courage.
“So my friend who goes to that school said that it’s true. So
it’s not an opinion, it’s a fact.”
Ah, the tricky work of sorting fact from opinion. I recently asked our 8th
graders to research facts about the various high school specialty centers in
the Richmond area. Despite an
abundance of accurate information from reliable sources on the Internet, some
students wanted to report opinion and gossip from neighbors and friends rather
than fact, usually followed by a chorus of “Well, what I heard was …”
In middle school, students are very attuned to what
other people think – about themselves and each other. This is a time for them to cull through the deluge of peer, media,
and family beliefs to find what fits and what doesn’t, trying on different
attitudes and identities. This
exploration is essential.
However during this time, the distinction between opinion
and fact can blur. Parents and
teachers have a responsibility to gently question student assumptions that are
based on opinion and prompt them to find reliable sources for information – a
critical process when students are dealing with peer
relationships, sexuality, drugs, and alcohol.
Am I saying that we should disregard opinion? Absolutely not. Trusted counsel from friends, older
siblings, neighbors, or professionals is a valid way to gather information.
However, parents and educators have a responsibility to teach our
children to fact check: Is this person/website/program a reliable
source of information? Where did they get this information? How can you
double check the information? Parents
must send a strong, unequivocal message to “come to me first” about issues
relating to drugs, alcohol, and sex in order to mitigate the flow of
misinformation.
In my high school transition work with the 8th
graders, I emphasize that the opinion of friends can portray a sense of the
culture of a school but that they must recognize opinion for what it is: the outlook and reflection of one
individual. Additionally, interview admissions
directors, research statistics, and talk to a variety of people to get a fuller
picture of a school.
As we look forward to October, parents and students will
have ample opportunity for gathering opinions and facts about the various high
schools in the area. This is the
season for open houses, information sessions, and tours. A perfect time for fact checking.
This is the time for the teacher to establish expectations
and a rhythm to the day, to learn the nuances of the students – when to
support, when to challenge – and to tinker with how to guide exploration and
discovery.
This is the time for students to consider, “Who am I in this
group? What do I bring to the
class? How am I part of the
whole? Do I fit in here?”
This is the time for the teacher to provide leadership and
guidance with clear boundaries, warmth, and care – providing a safe,
comfortable environment for the students so they can take the social risks
necessary for joining with others.
Until the beginning of October, I try to avoid interrupting
the flow of the classroom.
I may visit a few classes where I have deep, comfortable relationships
with students – students who may need a reassuring word, smile, or hug. But I try to leave the teacher and students
to their dance of relationship and group identity. To form as a group.
When we allow this to occur, when we allow a space
for students and teacher to join together, something magical happens. The group becomes dynamic,
flexible, and strong – able to work through conflict and strife during the
school year, capable of deep growth and progress.
The group transforms from a collection of individuals to an
entity.
